So I have been a working mom with 1 child for a long time. In that time, I have had lots of people ask me questions and give me their unsolicited opinions on many occasions. While most people don't intend to be rude or judgemental, it is always surprising to hear out loud, what some people should keep to themselves.
Here is my list of the top things that you must NEVER say to a working mom and just for fun, I have included my sarcastic responses (that I have managed to keep to myself):
" I saw your kid on the class trip today. He was crying-I think he missed you."
Thanks, I feel much better for the information. Anything else you would like to tell me, like about how you think he might not be meeting his milestones, or will be emotionally damaged for life?
"I could never let someone else raise my child."
Yes, I let others make all the decisions for my child. I have little to do with anything...his parent teacher conferences, birthday parties, homework, doctor appointments, play dates, or offering any sort of parental guidance. Heck, I don't even hug and kiss him, or have any part in tucking him into bed. I am never the first face he sees in the morning, and I never do anything fun with him like have picnics, or watching the same animated movie 100 times. And, I never ask him about his day. Nope, I have nothing to do with my child.
" I don't know how you do it. I'd feel to guilty."
So yeah don't get me started here, cause I could probably write a whole book on this one.
"You trust your babysitter, right?"
Oh no, I actually never considered her credentials. I just put out a job post on Craigslist and took the very first applicant based on price. She is my mother-in-law, I would hope she would check out ok. But thanks for making me suspicious!!
"Good for you for putting your career first!"
Yes every single day I get up and I think to myself: The most important thing in my life is my career. To hell with my family, that has nothing to do with why I work.
"I'd give anything to get away from my kids for an entire day."
If your really mean this, send me your resume and I can help you out. But remember, this "freedom" comes with its own issues. We are not getting away and going to the spa. It is called "work" for a reason.
"I'd miss my child too much to be away from him all day."
Well, I have no idea how you feel because I am an impersonal and non-maternal mother. I have no feelings and never miss my child.
"I don't know how you do it. It must be so hard."
It is. I don't know how I do it. But I don't think work is the problem because parenting is hard whether you stay at home or go off to the office. I don't know how any of us do it. It's glorious and rewarding and full of love and it is the hardest thing I've ever done.
"You must be so organized to be able to balance everything."
I love this and hate it at the same time. I think I am organized and I do think I accomplish a lot during a week's time. But I also know I am one parent-teacher conference away from a full meltdown (like all moms working inside or outside the home). I never write thank-you cards for my child's birthday presents. I don't exercise as often as I should and every day something slides. There really is no "balance," just organized chaos. I am no different than anyone else.
"You look exhausted."
Wow, thanks! I feel even better now! Want to watch my son this weekend so I can hit the spa, get a manicure, and sleep in? No? Then let's not say this to a working mom.
"There's always time to work later, these early years are so precious."
Why oh why is this never said to fathers? I actually get many special moments with my son. When BJ climbs into my bed and tells me "I am the best mommy in the whole world, " or when he smiles and says "I love you, " those are all special moments and I cherish them all.
"Aren't you concerned about not being there for your son?"
Just because I work does not mean I am not "there" for my son. Please get some perspective.
"I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful."
Why would you assume that you know why I am working? Some women like to work outside the home and I am sorry you are not one of them.
Instead of things like I have listed think about the whole picture.
The questions and words should not be filled with judgement, but with support. After all, we are all mothers, we all adore our children and we all want what's best for them. We are all doing what we have to do for our families and we are all different. So let's give each other support and understanding no matter if we stay home, work from home, work outside the home or somewhere in between.
With Love,
"B"
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