Do not get me wrong, I have no bone to pick with perfectionist; particularly not those who might find themselves operating on my heart, building my home or fixing my car's brakes. If goes without saying then that there are many situations in which it is extremely important to have things be perfect (or as close to it!). But it also needs to be said that there are many, many situations in which it is not. The problem is not perfectionism per se; the problem is when we do not discern between the two. When we fail to ask ourselves "Does this really matter?" Our quest for perfection not only fails to serve us, often condemning us to a life of immaculate mediocrity, but can also be a disservice to those around us.
Perfectionism can stifle us in three ways. First, it keeps us from taking risks that might result in a greater accomplishment and contribution because we are afraid of messing up or looking, well...less than perfect. It's a good thing we learned to walk as toddlers before we became conditioned to think that we had to do things just perfectly. I mean, just think about how many adults who never learned to swim as children that now refuse to learn as adults. Why? Because they do not want to go through the same learning curve that every child must go through in order to stay afloat. As Winston Churchill once said "The maxim 'Nothing avails but perfection', may be spelled p-a-r-a-l-y-s-i-s."
Not only does our desire to do things faultlessly keep us from taking on new challenges that involve an element of risk, but perfectionism can also limit our success in fulfilling our current responsibilities and goals effectively. For instance, I would not have sat down to write this post if my house first had to be perfect. With a full time job, a 10 year old son running around the house, among other things going on at my house at times, I would never even step outside if the house had to be perfect first.
It is so easy to fall into a trap of spending hours, days, weeks (and sometimes years!) focused on making something be "just perfect" that, in the big scheme of life, really is not that important. That is why it pays to continually ask yourself, "Is what I am spending my time and energy on really important; does this really matter?" It is very easy to slide down a slippery slope into a quagmire of "small stuff" that can, if we let it, consume all our energy and squander our talent. The fact is that life's richness comes from finding the courage to let go of the small stuff to make room for the bigger, more meaningful stuff that not only allows you to do much more with your talents but which also makes your life much, much more rewarding to live. Spending your days preoccupied with the "small stuff" does not honor who you are. You are worthy of so much more.
Finally, our endless quest for perfectionism can stifle our enjoyment of life, keeping us from being fully present to, and grateful for, our many blessings in life. Whether it is your body, your spouse, your home, your kids or your job, when you are focused on everything that is not "just right" in your life it keeps you from being truly present to all that is. Life's perfection actually exists in its imperfection. The truth is that if life was perfect, it would not be! You cannot always see the perfection of ife in the moment through the narrow lens of where you stand today, but that does not mean it is not there.
Make it a practice to ask yourself if the stuff you are expending your precious time and energy on is worthy of you, frees you up to face your challenges more powerfully, accomplish your goals more effectively and enjoy each day more fully. I invite you to ask yourself these questions:
1. What have you been spending a lot of time on which, in the bigger scheme of things, does not really matter?
2. What would you be doing differently if you were to let go of having to do it "just right" or have it turn out perfectly?
3. What difference would it make if you could accept yourself just as you are (imperfections and all), embracing everything that makes you so unique?
4. What difference would it make to your relationships if you could accept others just as they are (imperfections and all), embracing everything that makes them so unique?
5. How might you enjoy your life more if you could accept your current ife circumstances as they are right now despite those aspects which are not as you would like them to be?
I challenge you right now to embrace life's imperfection more fully, to let go of your constant striving to perfect the 'small stuff' and to shift your focus to the 'bigger stuff' that really does matter. Doing so will enable you to see countless opportunities to excel that you have been missing, bring you a deeper sense of gratitude and, most importantly, allow you to fulfill your unique potential...despite your imperfections.
Now...what could be more perfect?
With Love,
"B"
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