This coming Sunday is Mother's Day. I have all kinds of things that are going on with family and friends, so I thought I would go ahead and post early as I will not be back to my blog till next week.
It's tough to walk the line between parent and friend with your children. You want your kids to like you, to trust you, to acknowledge your 'cool.' But can you be the cool mom without letting your kids walk all over you? Let's take a look at some simple strategies for establishing your 'cool' factor while maintaining your authority as a good mom.
1. Listen
Your kids may not listen to you as often as you would like, but that doesn't mean they don't want you to listen to them. One of the easiest ways to find out what is really going on with them can be to ask open ended questions and then just listen. Listening without interrupting will help your child "know that they matter." I have found that being a good listener and trying to keep my mouth shut (no lecturing or judging) works best when having a conversation with my own son.
Listening also shows that you respect your child's opinions and ideas (even when you don't agree with them). This type of mutual respect is important for a relationship, even the one you have with your kids. Give them the same respect that you would give other people. Listen to them, consider their feelings, and when you have to 'exert your authority' do so in a way that preserves the relationship, because that is most important.
2. Be Honest
Being honest and open with your kids about your life experiences isn't always easy, but it can be beneficial. It's often a two-way street; if you want them to tell you the truth you have to do the same, and even admit that you've made some mistakes along the way. It's better to always get the truth from you than to learn some half-truth or, even worse, the wrong thing entirely, from someone else. Tell them your experiences, but also tell them what you've learned from those experiences. In the end it all comes down to communication and trust. Without those nothing you do will work.
Keep in mind that when your kids ask questions to be careful to keep what you share age appropriate. Try to answer any questions honestly and upfront, but obviously you can be more informative to older kids than younger ones. A 10-year-old can handle the facts but doesn't need too much detail yet, and a 14 to 21-year-old gets a situation-relevant talk.
3. Set Aside Time Just For Them
If you are struggling with the relationship you have with your children, try simply spending one-on-one time with your children. Setting aside that time to do something fun, just the two of you, is a good way to reconnect. Be open ears and firm boundaries. The time that you spend with them allows them to talk about the things that are going on in their lives. It allows them to have a sounding board, sometimes for advice and sometimes just to spew.
My 10-year-old son and I will go to lunch or dinner sometimes just the two of us. He picks the place and we talk about whatever stuff he wants to talk about; spots, school, cartoons, video games, whatever. The conversation doesn't even have to be deep, but he knows that I'm not his enemy and that he can talk to me, which has made a better relationship for us all around.
What do your kids think is the "coolest" thing about their mom?
For all the mothers who have kept awake all night with their sick toddlers in their arms, constantly uttering those compassionate words, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who don't.
For those who show up at work with milk stains on their dress and diapers in their handbags.
For those mothers who cannot restrain tears from trickling down their cheeks when they hold their babies for the first time in their arms; and for the mothers who give birth to babies they'll never see.
For the mothers who gave homes to babies and gifted them a family.
For the mothers who defy all odds just to watch their kid perform and repeat to themselves "That's my child!!"
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year, and then read it again. "Just one more time."
For the mothers who taught their children to tie the shoelaces even before they started going to school.
For the mothers who incontinently turn their heads when they hear the word "Mom", even though they know that their kids are nowhere around.
This is meant for all the young and aged mothers, working mothers and housewives, married mothers and the single mothers, those with money and without and for those without whom life would have been insufferable. I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day!!!
With Love,
"B"
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