Feeding the Flame of your Marriage

Do you remember how you felt when you were first dating your spouse? You couldn't wait to spend time with them. You'd call on the phone just to see how they were. You'd surprise them with a nice evening on the town or a small gift.

Many times we forget the things that made us fall in love with our spouses when we were dating them at the beginning. We get married and get caught up in all that our busy life throws at us. Between work, college, bills, and kids we seem to forget to take time out with our spouse to enjoy the very things that made us decide to marry them in the first place.

You can spark up your marriage by recapturing those same feelings you had when you first dated. Marriage is like a fire. If you don't tend to it and feed the flame, it will quickly die out. Enriching your marriage doesn't require you to plan big getaways; small and simple activities will do the trick. Here are some simple ways you can revitalize your marriage.

Expressions of love

You probably told your spouse "I love you" hundreds of times a day when you first dated and decided that you loved them.Yet after a few years of marriage the number of times you tell them you love them goes down. A lot of times couples say that they don't feel they need to tell their spouses that they love them, due to they show them they love them through other means such as, working long hours, cleaning the house, cooking dinner...etc. While it's true that love can and should be shown through action, we need to hear that we are loved. It's reassuring for them to hear it come from your mouth.

Also, when was the last time you told your spouse, that she looked beautiful, or that he looked very handsome? This is especially important to do if your spouse gets all dressed up. Even though you may already think that your spouse looks hot, they cannot read your mind. Open your mouth and tell it to them!

In addition to telling your spouse that you love them, try writing a note that expresses your love. I know that I have taken a sticky note and written the words I love you on it and left it on the mirror for my husband. I know he loves it when I do this, as I have seen him have it tucked away in a book he's reading. By leaving a short note telling your spouse how much you love them, lets them know that you are thinking about them during the day.

Courtesy

When you first dated your spouse, your probably did your best to behave as a lady or as a gentleman. Men you opened doors for her, or gave your coat to her when she was cold. Ladies you where prim and proper and thanked them for everything. You had to do these things if you wanted to win each other over. But in reality all this probably ended a few weeks after the wedding or when you got really comfortable with each other.

Chivalry is not confined just to courtship. Courtesy and consideration for each is just as important after the ceremony as it was before. Each day perform little acts of kindness and courtesy for each other. Open the car door for her, pack a lunch for him (this would be a great opportunity to leave a note of love) and be on time to events or appointments with each other.

Gifts

When was the last time that you bought your spouse and inexpensive gift just because? A gift for no other reason then to please them cause you thought of them. Small gifts for your spouse show them that you've been thinking of them. Find something that you know that your spouse enjoys and get it for them. If she likes flowers, buy flowers every now and then. If he likes sports stuff by him sports stuff every now and then. Don't wait for an occasion like Valentine's Day, or birthday to do these things. Your spouse will be ten times more happy when you buy them for them just because you love them and thought of them when you saw the item.

A gift doesn't even have to be a tangible good. It can also be a form of service. Message their feet, tuck them into bed (if they go to bed before you do), little things that show that you love them and care.

Date night

When you first dated your spouse, you probably went somewhere every weekend. It may have been the Taco Bell, but at least you where going out and spending time together. When was the last time you and your spouse went out on a true date? I'm talking a planned dinner, maybe a stroll in the park, a movie, or just quiet time together to forget about the rest of the world and focus on each other.

Establish a date night with your spouse and treat this time with each other as sacred.When you plan your week, block out an hour each week during which you will be spending time only with each other. If something comes up on the night you had planned, make sure to reschedule that time within the same week. If you have kids, get a babysitter.If you can't afford a babysitter, find another couple who has kids as well and swap date nights to offer to babysit their kids when they go out.

Your date night doesn't have to be fancy. A date night that my husband and I enjoy is going to Starbucks and having coffee together, or going to Barnes and Noble and getting lost in the books. Even going to the ice cream store with your spouse can be a treat. The idea is to just get out of the house and spend time together.


The real goal is to feed the flame that started your love for each other in the first place. It keeps the fires burning for each other and your marriage. Have a goal of doing the things for each other that made you fall in love in the first place. Date your spouse now like you dated them before you got married.


With Love,

"B"