"We grow primarily through our challenges,
especially those life-changing moments
when we begin to recognize aspects of our nature
that make us different from the family
and culture in which we have been raised."
-- Caroline Myss
Have you ever struggled with the "disease to please"? Meaning you walked into a gathering of friends or family and think, Oh, my God, will I be interesting enough? Will people like me? Will I be pretty enough? Do I fit in? You find now that you have made the shift to, do I really want to be here? Are these people I want to spend a few hours with? Its a big shift.
I can imagine going into a party or gathering and comparing my figure, my face, my hair, even my dress with others. Being worried that people wouldn't be interested in what I had to say and I worried about fitting in---which meant that I was allowing them to set the standards for what I needed in order to be accepted and liked.
The opinions of these other people mattered more to me than my own because I hadn't "found my feet" yet--a phrase used to mean feeling confident enough in myself not to be swayed by the opinions of others. I visualize this by picturing myself at the beach, standing out in the ocean where the waves break. If I pull my feet up off the ocean floor, the waves knock me around and I have no control. I go where I'm pushed. Once I "find my feet" by standing on them and sinking them slightly into the sand, they anchor me to whatever spot I choose.
I don't wish to be pushed around by the opinions of others either. The standards and opinions of other people don't matter to me because I found my own. Their judgement of me--whether positive or negative--is just a passing wave. Although some make me feel buoyant and some try to knock me down, I stand firm.
But there was a secret to finding my feet. I stopped comparing and contrasting my similarities to others. I don't even try to judge myself in most of the categories we all share, because these similarities make us all very small fish in a great big ocean--to insignificant to matter. I don't worry about who is prettier, thinner, younger, richer, or smarter. Instead, I focus on how I am different.
After all, the things that make me different are the things that make me Brandy. The things that make me Brandy are the things that me me unique.
That things that make me unique also make me a big fish in a small pond of people who share some of those differences. And in a small pond, its easy to keep my feet, because there are no currents trying to form in a direction I might not want to go.
Recognizing and honoring these differences is what helped me define myself and discover the things I care about.
* While some people like a warm day, I prefer cool days.
* I would rather watch a silly comedy than a depressing drama.
* I can't stand to work a puzzle, where others love them.
In short, I have the virtues of small things versus big in almost everything.
I know as I have grown into the woman I am today, I have found my feet. I came to realize that I'm not some uneducated woman, but an intelligent, person with a point of view different and unique.
I would guess that the attributes that make us excel in the ocean of others are not the attributes that some particularly admire. By focusing on the attributes we do find compelling based on our own set of values, we have found our uniqueness....found our worth....found our feet...
So focus on what makes you unique.
Find your differences and you'll find your strength.
Escape the turbulence and vastness and anonymity of ocean life and find yourself a quiet, peaceful pond with a few like-minded creatures.
With Love,
"B"
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